Wheels Within

I am sad, but not by the things everyone assumes I would be. No one on the outside of my life understands that I do not miss the man. I am actually hopeful for my mom that this will free her to become a happier, more fulfilled person, but I expect her to fail me in those hopes. Lessons unlearned. John was a horrible person to me. I never saw an effective, empathetic or genuine person in him, I saw the con man, the bullshit artist, the salesman. But so many other people would rather blind themselves to his snake oil than admit that they tolerated a predator in their midst, and so I am hearing him eulogised as a great man and a hard loss, and I have to swallow the gross lump of emotional vomit that threatens to spill forth. There just feel like so few people I can be honest about these feelings, and unfortunately that very fragile footing Sandy and I found after my trip to Europe this spring is at risk, because I will have to wear a mask in front of her, and both a mask and armour in