New year and focus

I am already struggling to keep up the poem a day commitment, but I think it will be good for me, for sure. Just the discipline alone

I am working at improving my work habits as far as all my commitments go, actually, and have already noted I am better than I was before. I can do this.

Bed calls, but I wanted to poke myself about writing every day. Get on it, grl

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Masks and Mourning

I am sad, but not by the things everyone assumes I would be. No one on the outside of my life understands that I do not miss the man. I am actually hopeful for my mom that this will free her to become a happier, more fulfilled person, but I expect her to fail me in those hopes. Lessons unlearned. John was a horrible person to me. I never saw an effective, empathetic or genuine person in him, I saw the con man, the bullshit artist, the salesman. But so many other people would rather blind themselves to his snake oil than admit that they tolerated a predator in their midst, and so I am hearing him eulogised as a great man and a hard loss, and I have to swallow the gross lump of emotional vomit that threatens to spill forth. There just feel like so few people I can be honest about these feelings, and unfortunately that very fragile footing Sandy and I found after my trip to Europe this spring is at risk, because I will have to wear a mask in front of her, and both a mask and armour in...

Happiness : Puppies, Part 1 1/4/2018

(I do sometimes feel like nothing I write is meant to be "short, sweet and to the point. I am aware that this is a style all its own, but that it will not be to everyone's tastes.) I started my day off before 6 am, waking in the dark to the faint sounds of roommates heading out for their very early call. I was warm and safe and didn't hurt much, and my younger dog was snuggled in against the back of my leg between my knee and my hip. Let me tell you about my dogs, as they are a key ingredient in my current state of mind. Woodgie came to me in July of 2013. I met him when he was two weeks old and fell hard in love. The lovely lady who whelped him, along with 8 littermates of his unintentional litter (and another 8 purebred Rhodesian Ridgebacks on the same day) had hoped I would take to one of the purebred puppies as she was always on the lookout for custodial show homes for her very lovely dogs, so she was ladling my arms full of this puppy and that puppy. "This is...

Habit-Forming

I am trying to establish a few good habits. Out of bed by 9 am. Morning coffee and playtime Morning blogging (usually game blog, but sometimes here, too. Put up the day's backlogged post if one is ready. Check in on Habitica and SuperBetter (slowly updating and customising those behavioural tracking apps: need to get them on my phone...). Comm who I need to about what I need to. Do chores or get ready for work When I get home, before I take my boots off, walk the muppets. Come home, make food, eat. Relax. Check in before bed to hard copy checklist and to the sites. Blog a bit more. Take meds, read before sleep. In bed by midnight. Some of these habits are easier to form, so as long as I get out of the damned bed, they happen. I need to get better at hygiene issues: it's not quite enough to brush my hair, pony tail it and make sure my clothes are vaguely presentable. I always feel better when I am cleaner, so ba...

Wheels Within

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