Wheels Within

 I am at DragonHolm for the week, and in deep and deeper conversations with my mentor and with myself, I have realised a lot of things. This should have been a relaxing trip full of archery shenanigans and sight-seeing walks and wades into the ocean, and instead we have been pretty much stuck inside due to terrible air quality from all the smoke of forest fires up and down the West Coast. I had not really been lamenting the squelching of my aPaD month that is usually full of stunning scenery and wordful worship of the changing seasons, but I had been hopeful the rain last night would clarify the air and bring back the views and visual inspirations for my work... only to stay up very late talking cards and witchwork, and to wake up to a wyrd of a morning. All of this is good. I am preparing to take a more consciously Magical approach to my daily life, and to reconnect with all those sacred things I have paid merest lip service to in the last decade or more. To just affirm things, I did

I am already struggling to keep up the poem a day commitment, but I think it will be good for me, for sure. Just the discipline alone I am working at improving my work habits as far as all my commitments go, actually, and have already noted I am better than I was before. I can do this. Bed calls, but I wanted to poke myself about writing every day. Get on it, grl

I am sad, but not by the things everyone assumes I would be. No one on the outside of my life understands that I do not miss the man. I am actually hopeful for my mom that this will free her to become a happier, more fulfilled person, but I expect her to fail me in those hopes. Lessons unlearned. John was a horrible person to me. I never saw an effective, empathetic or genuine person in him, I saw the con man, the bullshit artist, the salesman. But so many other people would rather blind themselves to his snake oil than admit that they tolerated a predator in their midst, and so I am hearing him eulogised as a great man and a hard loss, and I have to swallow the gross lump of emotional vomit that threatens to spill forth. There just feel like so few people I can be honest about these feelings, and unfortunately that very fragile footing Sandy and I found after my trip to Europe this spring is at risk, because I will have to wear a mask in front of her, and both a mask and armour in

I feel Her gaze across the veils She watches She waits Knowing I will tread these paths Knowing I must And when I can swallow my fear A bite of a bitter apple She will be there To Guide my feet on that narrow path Her cloven hooves silent in the loam Her form dappled in leaf shadows Her breath a warm breeze Always Her soft eyes wide and wise Full of sorrow And stars. Art by Christine Homfeld. Used with permission.

Health : I have gotten my teeth dealt with. Liquid diet for most of the week, but only a few twinges since Saturday. It was not easy, but the benefits cover many more areas than just my mouth. Next: meds/pain control/surgery. 3/5 Communication:  I have done well these past weeks about communicating with my boss and family and roomies. Not perfect, but definitely better than before.  4/5   Balance: I am managing, for the most part, to keep the right things in perspective. I feel like I perhaps do too much work and not enough enjoyment of what I work for, so I am trying to adjust that moving forward. 3/5 Resources:  Broke for the first time in what feels like a long time, and while I have the energy and most of the time to do what I need to, the funds shortfall can be harder to deal with. People owe me for lessons taught and I have to be firmer about being paid upfront. I am worth being paid for what I allow and enable in others.   2/5 Creativity : The February Fib

 Jan 22-28, 2018 Health : I have been getting almost enough sleep, and have managed my various challenges well. My teeth are healing well, and I have to eat slower to chew things more carefully and I feel that will soon have an effect on weight, because I am doing what you are supposed to do and taking my time to eat. I also cannot eat hard crunchy or sticky chewy foods kind of at all any more, and that's good because pretty much none of them add any nutritive value to my diet. I have not gotten as much movement and exercise as I would like, so this is an area I will concentrate on in the near future, to build up my stamina and feel like I am making forward progress on my fitness and health. 3/5 Communication:  I feel like I dropped a couple of balls this week, but that I followed up on others, that were not easy ones to catch. I did communicate to my boss that I would not be able to work one of the days, and that was good, but I also failed to confirm pick up times until